Thomas Edison (dick)
Superman (sanctimonious cock)
Anyone to do with The Doors (obviously)
We are open to suggestion. So if there’s anyone whom you believe to be so noxious and awful on every level that he or she should be barred or perhaps shot (non-lethally) on sight, please make suggestions below. We don’t mean easy targets like politicians because those would just make us yawn, and you wouldn’t like us when we were yawny.
That said, despite our advice against trying to be the hero of your own story, we actually do have some heroes – they just aren’t us. Amiee and I were talking about our inability to be heroic last night, and she said, “I’m a bisexual Mariah Carey fan. I have no choice but to be self-deprecating.” And I said, “I’m a….where do I even start?” I’m a: fill in that blank, why don’t you. See if I care.
Anyway, heroes. One dude who has the opposite of a life-ban (whatever the opposite of a life ban is, which can’t involve kidnapping because we actually don’t even have the resources to feed another mouth), is George Saunders.
And today I discovered that his first published story is online. He’s not all that prolific with his publications, and I have read everything he has ever written except for a recent New Yorker piece, which I’m saving for an emergency, so this is very exciting news. It goes into my Emergency Saunders File, which now contains exactly two items, and I am not allowed to read either of those two items until I have accomplished some goal or I actually feel like there’s nothing around worth reading. So if you read it, don’t tell me anything about it – I’m only linking it just in case you want to, which you should. Want to, I mean.
After that, you should watch the puppets acting out one of his stories and also then you should definitely read Sea Oak, another of his ones.
Then just Google the rest.
Then go do your homework. It’s Sunday, FFS. You had all weekend. State of ye.
