Could someone please bring Emer a tree made out of rashers? We promise she’ll empty the contents of her stomach before she attempts to ingest any of the tree-rashers. KTHX.
You may know Emer from the news on Phantom 105.2, but soon you will know her as the multi-talented lady who made you do something that caused you embarrassment but seemed perfectly reasonable at the time.
1. First, do you know what you’re getting into?
No, but I’m imagining a scenario similar to the pie-eating contest in Stand By Me, with a hint of Murphy’s Micro Quiz-M thrown in. I’ll almost definitely puke.
2. Since we don’t have time for hospital hellos like on Winning Streak, do you want to say hello to anyone who is in hospital?
To the doctor who was responsible for sewing back on the finger I chopped off at age three.….thanks for making a complete balls of it. It looks like an old fashioned clothes peg and I believe it cost me a relationship with an unreasonably squirmish man.
3. Of all the ways the world could end, what’s the one you think you’d be best equipped, not only to survive, but to emerge the supreme leader of the haggard band of survivors?
I’ve read World War Z. When the zombie apocalypse comes I will be ready. I’ve also seen Zombieland, so I’m hoping Bill Murray will be involved.
4. Name three laws you would implement immediately, and describe the penalties for breaking them.
Ban fake tan and the toffee apple women who use it and subsequently smell like biscuits. They should be made to wear a onesie made of biscuits. And not even good biscuits. Marietta or something.
Ban people who intentionally litter. They should be made to live in a bin. And drink bin juice and lick all the yoghurt lids
Ban the people who make Eastenders. They should be made to watch Eastenders and lob the gob on all the old ladies in Eastenders. Especially the one who looks like she smells like chip fat. (Although, I believe Rosskempongangs is a by-product of Eastenders. He’s alright. He knows everyone in Afghanistan)
5. What would be your eventual downfall?
I’ve just realised that the laws I made would not apply at all in a post-zombie apocalyptic world. Therefore stupidity, shallowness and frivolity would be my eventual downfall. Zombies would feast on my brains, my delicious brains.
6. What’s the worst that could happen?
The meek shall inherit diddly squat.
