What is the composition of Patrick Freyne?
Answer at the bottom of this post.
Patrick is back for his second, and we hope not his last Chaos Thaoghaire. We know it’s not a competition, of course, but it does put him neck and neck with his magnificently talented partner, Anna Carey, who was brave enough to be one of our three storytellers at the Chaos Thaoghaire launch night back in October. We should have a lifetime achievement award, shouldn’t we? Also, how about we have a compulsory dance routine element at — oh, wait. We sort of already do, don’t we?
We would also like to congratulate Joey Watt from Finglas, whose text in to Phantom Daily won him four tickets to tomorrow night’s event. Joey, we hope you’ve got some disasters up your sleeve. We’d also like to thank all you foulmouthed pottybrains who texted things that weren’t suitable for daytime radio. Friends, we have something in common.
Now, Patrick.
1. First, do you know what you’re getting into?
Absolutely. It’s a Fianna Fail cumann right?
2. Since we don’t have time for hospital hellos like on Winning Streak, do you want to say hello to anyone who is in hospital?
Those spongers? No way (this is a Fianna Fail cumann right?)
3. Of all the ways the world could end, what’s the one you think you’d be best equipped, not only to survive, but to emerge the supreme leader of the haggard band of survivors?
It would go something like this:
Flaky scientist to fearful mob: “Oh God. We’re trapped… Trapped here to die… Trapped here to die because of this impenetrable wall of cake.”
Me, tucking a napkin into my collar: “Step aside. I’ll handle this.”
4. Name three laws you would implement immediately, and describe the penalties for breaking them.
Law 1 — “Dance Routine Mondays” will be compulsory (however, not dancing is its own punishment).
Law 2 — People should look like their radio voices suggest. The penalty for disobedience will be face-changing surgery.
Law 3 — To call for a cut to the minimum wage you must first live on it for (at least) a month.
5. What would be your eventual downfall?
Through a police radio: “Freyne’s just holed himself up in the cake factory and appears to have hostages. Hold on, just getting some new information. The hostages are made of cake.… take him out.”
6. What’s the worst that could happen?
I can’t say. It will ruin the surprise.
Answer: Patrick Freyne is 85% circles, and 15% water.